allcreambaby:

My grandfather is an asshole. First of all, he died. That was a dick move.

I mean, what kind of selfish bullshit is that? He could have waited a few more days. Or a month. Or a year. He could have at least waited until I got married, and had kids and all that shit.

Okay, here’s what he…

allcreambaby:

My brain is an idiot. Not a normal idiot, but the idiot that other idiots make fun of, in their own simple way. My brain will often unabashedly tell me things that no person would ever tell a friend for fear of ridicule.

A couple of days ago I was at a K-Mart and I saw a young woman in a wheel…

Now that I’ve bought an electric toothbrush, I should really accept that I’ve had a vibrator in my mouth.